That Feeling

Well, yesterday was a day that I really hope to forget in the near future. Started like crap, ended even worse. For starts, the parentals are I are at each other's throats again. So much so that I started to look for a new place to live. I'm really just tired of being stuck.
Which brings me to the next thing of yesterday, possibly the one glimmer of light.  I was told about a job opportunity aboard the HMS Bounty. This is a position of sheer awesomeness. I would be a crew member aboard a sailing ship, sailing across the world and telling about this ships history.
I would be learning sailing, learning about history, camping aboard a freaking awesome ship and, best of all, there isn't any internet on ship, there isn't any cell signal on the ocean, so I would be completely disconnected from the world, which right now, isn't a bad thing.
I think it would be nice to just get away from the world right now. Forget about all the people that want anything from me and just leave.
I'm tired of thinking about whether or not I'm going to find the one. I know I know, "you're too young to be thinking about settling down, have fun." For all you that are thinking that, let me let you in on a little piece of my brain, I once had something awesome. I had things figured out. I had a job that I had wanted since I was 2 years old, I had a woman that "loved" me, I had the world in the palm of my hand.
"What happened though Justin?" Well, I got lazy. I stopped working out in order to spend more time studying and being with this new girl, then I got lazy with the relationship. I wanted to get married, but at the same time, I think part of me knew that she wasn't the one. So, all that ended. And might I had...ended horribly.
But Justin, that was almost 7 months ago, why are you still thinking about all that? Well, April 15 was supposed to be the day that I got married. Only a hand full of people knew about it, and therefore I didn't want to tell anyone. I just wanted to have a normal day. But from the start, I knew it wasn't going to be a normal day.
But ever since that day in August, I still think about whether or not I am going to get another chance. I mean I've been engaged twice. How many chances does a guy get before God just says No?
I want to find the woman that makes me happy, just by being there. I want to find the girl that knows me, knows what I like, knows how to make me laugh, how to, just be there. Will I find her though?
I feel like I'm searching for my yellow umbrella. That one thing in the world that I want more than anything and the stars are aligning just right to make it happen one day.
I want someone that wants to be with me. I feel like every time I get into a relationship, the girl ends up finding out that she doesn't like me.
But here's the kicker, even in my short little month long relationships, I still pour my heart out into them, in the hopes that maybe, just maybe she's supposed to be that one. So, at the end of the day, all it leaves me with is an empty heart and a lot less friends.
Hell, I want that girl that I can take out and just see the world with. Someone that while sitting on the couch will just randomly stand up and say "lets go to the Carribean." To which my response will be "I have to work tomorrow." To which her response will be "okay, lets get Carribean food for dinner then."
I know people say that time heals all wounds, but here I am. 7 months out from what I thought was going to be it and I still feel like crap everyday. I often wonder what will come next.
I guess it's time to just start following my heart. Start building my relationship with God, start building my relationship with my friends. Maybe, just maybe I'll be led to find my very own yellow umbrella. The ankle in the hallway.
On a side note, yes I have been watching a lot of HIMYM. No, it has not led me to be thinking about all this, it has led me believe that I might still have a chance of finding something awesome someday.
I guess only time will tell what's in store for me. Who knows?